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When divorce is the primary measure to get a safe life, you should care not only how to get a divorce with the best benefits but how to get safe and sound out of your abusive relationships. Divorcing an abusive spouse is a complicated process in which you should plan all the details carefully and predict possible outcomes to avoid extra problems and dangerous situations. Here are 6 Tips to Navigate this Minefield.
The most important thing is to realize that your marriage is toxic for you and holds you back from normal life and even makes it dangerous to be around your spouse. Once you understand you need to gather all the confidence and strength to break free from your abusive relationships. This article will highlight the points you need to pay attention to when you are to divorce an abusive spouse.
Aim to Financial Independence
When you even search for divorce apply online, you gradually realize how difficult it is going to be to get away from your spouse, since you cannot allow it financially, as well as financially independent life afterward. It usually happens that the spouse who tends to commit physical or psychological abuse attempts to control all the spheres of life of the other partner. It means that you are going to have joint accounts and credit cards or have nothing at all so that all the financial power is concentrated in your partner’s hands.
The moment you decide to file for divorce work hard to reach personal financial independence. First of all, get your name removed from all the joint accounts and cards if possible. Then, work on your financial reputation. Get your credit card, make some purchases monthly, and pay them off by the end of the month. This way you will be able to create your credit score and have a financial backup during and after the divorce process.
Care about Shelter
When your partner finds out about your divorce intentions, he/she won’t be satisfied to lose control over you, so you cannot even predict how bad the reaction might be. This should cause you to think about possible places to move from your spouse even before the divorce.
There are different ways to cope with the situation. The best way is to save some money and to get a flat to live in even after the divorce. Still, you’d better mind the location, so that your new place is far enough from your partner’s place or workplace. This way you will minimize chances of accidental meetings with unpleasant outcomes. If you cannot hire a flat from the start, you can stay in cheap motel rooms, yet the conditions are usually not the best ones. The cheapest option is staying at your friend’s or relative’s house. But mind that these are the first places your spouse will be looking for you at. If you have no money for accommodation and don’t want to cause problems for your friends and relatives, there is a variant you can easily find on the Internet. There are families, usually old couples or farmers, who offer accommodation and even meals for several hours of work a day.
Have several options of escape place and even at a small backpack of belongings packed and hidden to be ready to get away from your tormentor any time.
Mainly, people who commit domestic violence, don’t show it in public. So their surrounding doesn’t suspect a person to be violent at all. Due to this, you may end up in a hopeless situation, when no one will believe in you suffering from an abusive spouse, they may just accuse you of being hysterical, or jealous, or whatever. That is why one of your primary concerns is to gather evidence until you can get free from your partner.
Take notes of any physical abuse or psychological humiliation and keep a journal with dates and details. Get video, photo, or voice recordings, even if you are doing it without announcement, it will be legal actions, taking into account your conditions. Keep all the evidence in a secure place, better not at your house, since once they are revealed by your partner, the situation will only get worse.
Put some effort to be ready to fight for your rights and personal security in the court, since you never know, what your spouse can do.
Keep Things Private
Either you seek help filling out divorce forms or gather evidence for safe and beneficial divorce, you need to care about personal security in the first place. The less your partner knows, the less you suffer and the better you can prepare for the divorce and the life without your abusive spouse.
Change passwords and security settings on your profiles, bank accounts, and gadgets, so that your activity cannot be easily tracked. Use social media less for the same reason. Ask professionals to check your devices for spyware, so that you can be a hundred percent sure no one is revealing your plans and secrets.
Get Professional Help
If your marriage is tough, the divorce is not going to be easier. It is normal to get extra professional help to handle all the physical and psychological challenges. Maybe you can save on the divorce attorney and get divorce forms online, still, good legal advice is also in need, but when it comes to psychological support, use all possible ways to get qualitative one.
Attend the therapist at least twice a week. Yet if it is too expensive for you, look for support groups at local or religious communities, shelters, universities, or clinics. This way you will be able to stay cold-headed in difficult situations, go through the stress and tension with the least possible effects on your health and life.
Stay Socially Active
If you are in a relationship with an abusive partner, he/she wishes to control every single part of your life. The poorer your life is, the easier it is to take total control of it. So, he/she will make you quit all the clubs and communities, break connections with friends and relatives and give up hobbies and interests.
Your task is to stay socially active no matter what. Your connections and activities will help you to handle the tension of marriage and give a hand of help when everything is falling apart. Work hard and fight for your happiness.